It’s winter in Minnesota, which means vehicular hibernation for Motorcyclists such as myself. Typically I use this down time as an opportunity to work on motorcycle modifications and/or customizations. For example, a couple of winters ago I created and installed custom chainmail saddlebag covers for my 2011 Dyna Street Bob (1 of my 2 Harley-Davidsons). That project enveloped all of my free-time that winter. The saddlebag covers turned out freaking amazing, and they still look great! Last winter I bought my 2017 Road King, and spent my time and money making it long-haul ready, and ergonomically adjusted for my petite 5’3” frame (the Road King is a massive motorcycle). This winter I have a handful of things I would like to do to both of my bikes, but in light of my recent diagnosis, I feel I need to put passion projects on the back burner until after I know how this cancer shit is going to pan out. I need to focus on killing what’s trying to kill me. I need to recover my health, so I have the physical prowess to dominate my 800 pound Road King once spring comes around.
This brings me to my current physical and mental state. My cancer is still in my body, untreated. I have yet to be scheduled for my Double Mastectomy, which is the first course of action in my treatment plan. I am chomping at the bit to be rid of my tits. I fear that the longer it lingers, the greater chance it has to spread. My surgeon is confident that although it’s invasive, my cancer appears to be slow-growing. Still, my brain is spinning on what I cannot control. I know the cancer is there (I can feel it, the tumor is very prominent), but I am powerless to remove it. I am at the mercy of the Mayo Clinic to decide when my cancer can be eliminated. Sit and spin. This anxiety is compounded with my active Crohn’s Disease issues, which is causing chronic pain…pain which is exhausting all of my energy and patience. I manage to muster just enough energy to go to work everyday, and get my shit done around the house…but that’s about it. Hell, just going to the grocery store is a taxing feat these days, because it hurts just to move. I am beginning to think I might have issues in other parts of my body, as well…due to the chronic pain. I have an upcoming appointment scheduled with my gynecologist for an internal examination. I want to rule out the possibility of ovarian cysts or tumors, as I have pain that’s consistent with such a scenario.
In spite of all of this shit, I keep charging forward. I grit my teeth through the physical pain and the mental frustration. As corny as it may sound, I think my years of motorcycling had trained me to power through the roughest of rides…on and off the pavement. Ride or die, and I won’t die easy.
Sour Tits 