Chapter 16: Robo Tits

The results of my additional testing came back, so off to Rochester I go to meet my Surgeon! Brian is by my side, as there will be a LOT of information thrown at me. That extra brain & set of ears is pretty critical at times like this, as anxiety can impede information retention. My surgeon is a young, peppy, petite little thing…with a large personality, open sense of humor, and really cool jewelry! I like this chick already! My surgeon was accompanied by 2 other people: a male resident and a female nurse. She dives right into the nitty gritty, which I appreciate. She shows me the imaging from my MRI, and informs me that the MRI and biopsy show zero signs of cancer in my left breast or my lymph nodes. As far as she can tell, the cancer is still contained to my right breast….no direct signs of metastasization. She is very confidant that she will be able to get rid of my cancer with surgery alone, and that subsequent chemotherapy will probably not be needed. But, this may change once the tumor is removed. A full pathology will be conducted on the tumor once it’s removed. The tumor itself will tell the whole story. So, I’m not out of the woods yet…but, nevertheless, this is excellent news!
Next on the agenda: finalize my treatment plan, once and for all! My initial plan was discussed first: Double Mastectomy w/ Reconstruction. I told the Surgeon that with all of the new information provided to me, that I don’t think this option makes sense anymore. Why remove a healthy breast when if I don’t have too? My other breast is totally healthy, and my chances of developing cancer in that breast is next to nothing…so, what benefit do I gain from removing it? My Surgeon wholeheartedly agreed. I then asked if a Lumpectomy would be a suitable option, considering the cancer is contained. I like the idea of a Lumpectomy, because it has the quickest post-surgical recovery time. She explained that because my tumor is quite large in comparison to my breast size, that if she were to remove just the tumor and spare the breast, there would barely be a breast remaining. Also, radiation of the breast is required after a Lumpectomy, which would deteriorate my remaining breast tissue even more. The remaining breast would also be difficult to reconstruct. With these factors considered, a Unilateral Mastectomy w/ Reconstruction makes the most sense. Might as well get rid of the whole thing considering there won’t be anything left anyway. Ok, Unilateral Mastectomy it is. Let’s do this shit!
The Surgeon explained that there are two different surgical approaches: 1) standard open mastectomy (scalpels, cauterization, Frankenstein stitches). 2) a new clinical trial that Mayo is helping to pioneer: Robotic mastectomy. The technology for robotic-assisted surgery has been around for approximately 30 years, and is standard procedure for a number of routine procedures. But, it is not FDA approved for Breast Cancer surgery…hence the reason it’s still in the trial phases. My Surgeon reassured me that she has performed Robotic Mastectomies multiple times, all with great success. The list of Pros: it’s minimally invasive. The incision is only a few centimeters long. The skin is spared, the nipple is spared, the nerves and muscles are spared. There is minimum blood loss. And, the recovery time is faster than an Open mastectomy. The Cons: not everyone qualifies for the trial, and access to the Robotic trial is on a lottery system. Lucky for me, I meet all of the physical qualifications for Robotic surgery…so, it’s just a matter of odds. I decided that I was all in for the clinch trial. The prospect of being a part of a cutting edge Robotic technique is too exciting to pass up! The Surgeon submitted my enrollment request to the powers that be, and we crossed our fingers. Low and behold, I was selected!
With that, I signed some formalities while the Surgeon sought out a date for my surgery. She landed on February 21st. It was explained to me that they require a full 6 weeks for recovery with physical restrictions..including employment. I protested, explaining that my job isn’t physical in the least, and that I have the option to work from home. I prefer to go back to work ASAP. The Surgeon held firm on the 6 weeks. She said going back to my normal routine too soon could result in me forgetting my restrictions, which could cause harm and delay recovery. She has seen it happen far too many times. I drop the argument, I know she is right.
Next up: a perfunctory physical exam. Undress from the waist up, put on the prison-issue blues (Blue is the New Black, baby!), and pop a squat on the exam table. The Surgeon asked if the Resident could participate in the exam with her. I respond: “Of course! He has to learn somehow.” So, I lay back, put my arms above my head, and let Surgeon and the Resident go to town. One person per breast, massaging as if they were kneading dough. I immediately recognized the pseudo-pornographic parallel to the situation, and a wide grin spreads across my face. I can’t help myself, my inner devil is screaming to come out and play! I say: “Yeah baby, that’s it! That’s how Mama likes it!”, followed up with: “Sorry guys, this whole scenario is just too good! Brian, you should record this. I’ll post it to my Only Fans”. Everyone in the room busted out laughing! I quickly explain that I don’t actually have an Only Fans account, and that I’m just messing around. Humor is my coping mechanism. Good times, baby…good times!
We left Mayo that day feeling confidant and excited about the Robotic trial. Cancer sucks ass…but, if participating in this trial will lead to advancements in treatments for others in the future, at least my cancer can actually serve a purpose.
A few few days later Rochester Mayo’s phone number pops up on my caller ID. I’m at work, in-office…so I jump from my desk, run to the break-room and answer. “Hello, this is Erin!”. “Hi Erin, this is Megan…Dr. Piltin’s nurse. We have an issue.” My Surgeon (Dr. Piltin) had a family emergency she need to fly home for, leaving her unavailable for my surgery. I would either need to come in the next day for surgery, or postpone the surgery for the week after the initial scheduled date. Well, I had yet to submit my FMLA paperwork or submit my Short Term Disability claim…so, surgery tomorrow was not an option. So, the week after my initial surgery date will have to do. With that, my surgery was rescheduled for February 29th…Leap Day. Hopefully Leap Day will be a good luck charm!